A Day in The Life of President Kanye West
A Day In The Life Of President Kanye West
(READ TIME : 3-4 mins)
By: Guy Thornbury-Phillips - July '20 (So don't cancel us)
“No one man should have all that power. The clock’s ticking, I just count the hours” from the album “Power”, 2010, Kanye West.
Oh, how times have changed…
It’s taken Kanye 10 years to realise, he’s a power-hungry spiritualist. One man should have all that power, and it’s you Kanye! He knows how to work a crowd but does he know how to run a country? Don’t get me wrong, I’m an optimist but this is really stretching my half-full glass of sanity.
Is it a publicity stunt? Is it a sneaky method to drive the voters away from Biden? Is it part of his Master Plan to become a hyper-celebrity? Or is he just doing it for the banter because he’s running out of payday loans?
Whatever his motive, best of luck to Kanye. But let’s just take a minute to realise, there’s a chance he could be president. There’s a chance that the bipolar, anti-abortion Yeezy King is going to run the world. However small that may be, there is a chance. In our universe or another, Kanye West could be the President of the United States. Let that settle in…
Now let’s open our minds and imagine what a day in the life of President Kanye West could look like. This is going to be a lot of fun, so strap yourself in, pop that corn, and enjoy the story.
Kanye is woken up at the Ye House (formerly known as the White House) at 6am by an early visit from Elon Musk. With X Æ A-Xii strapped to his chest, Elon arrives to push the newest idea of a Space X Concert, in space! Kanye’s to be the host and share his message of pure spiritual consumerism “across the galaxy” (I’m thinking something similar to the intergalactic talent show in Rick and Morty where they create ‘Get Swifty’).
Elon (a.k.a. Head of Defence) now manages the design of a Yeezy branded military program. The colour of the Yeezy military assets is perfect but their functionality is debatable. Elon hosted a worldwide conference last week to reveal a new set of tanks, missiles, submarines, and all-terrain vehicles - none of which were working as described on the day. One demonstration involved a missile that launched an immediately hit the ground, like a limp penis.
After speaking with Elon about the Space X Concert and enjoying a short play-date with the kids, Elon and X Æ A-Xii head back to their bunker while Kanye checks social media.
Lastest updates on socials today - Paris Hilton and Taylor Swift are now running for president with Swift as the main competition. There are talks of a song-off between Kanye and Swift to settle some previous misunderstandings.
After replying to the majority of his presidential Tweets, he wakes Kim because she’s late for work. After finishing her Law Degree a week before her husband’s election, Kim Kardashian is now Chief of Justice, with a little help from Kourtney, Kylie, Kendall and the other one. Their first action was the redecoration of the Ye House, now including a photography studio, a well-mirrored gym with great lighting for selfies, and a creche run by Kris Jenner.
Kanye then rings Trump for some daily advice (they speak every day at around midday for a catch-up) and then he heads down to the underground music studio. Kanye is recording his biggest album yet, featuring every individual from the G-20 Summit. He’s calling it ‘Like a G-20’ (possible some copyright infringement here but let’s remember; Kanye is the president after all).
After a few hours in the studio, Kanye resurfaces and heads out to meet his financial advisor. This is a regular occurrence at the moment due to his lack of differentiation when it comes to millions and billions.
Interestingly, Kanye has managed to substantially reduce the number of innocent deaths in Syria by removing the American soldiers from the country. This has been his most influential decision to date, and he now hopes to give each and every soldier a free ticket to the Space X Concert. As well as a medal for their continued efforts over the last decade.
After financial talks, Kanye returns home in his convoy of blacked-out Ford Raptor’s to catch the last of the basketball with his family. It all seems rather comfortable in the Ye House. Until you release, it’s a TV SHOW! They call it the ‘Ye House’ and it makes the majority of the money for the family to live on. Cameras are planted in every room and a large editorial team work 24/7 to record the daily shenanigans of the West’s household.
Would you watch it?
Would you support him?
Is this real life?
Whatever you want to believe and whoever becomes the next president, that was my idea of a day in the life of President Kanye West. Complete fiction and non-defamatory. I wish him the best of luck for his candidacy and for the future.